Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
The INSIDE Story..
"Kal poochoge, to hum nahi batayegae
Aawaz bhi doogae, to hum nahi aayenge
Sheesha dekhne se sharmatae hain ab hum
Kyunki humari har adaa mein ab tumhi to samaye ho.."
And they speak...
Dark Angel: "hey Missy!! What were you thinking? What did you expect??! Romance of the 70's ?![*sneering] They don't make love the way they did back then! That's not real any longer. Its non existent, lost, extinct..."
Angelica: "The heart has its reasons which reason does not know..."
Dark Angel: bah!! *throws hands up in the air* *disappears*
Angelica: "...something I said ?? "
Living in your Afterglow
You still appear,you reappear in my dreams
I said I won't look at you.
You still infest my thoughts,I see you everywhere
I refuse to think.
Your voice still echoes in my bedroom walls
I opened the windows.
And I still await the postman,I wander
around your domain.
I wont meet you.I wont accept that apology.
Abandoned my home.Now I'm not coming back
But I still think of you,I still breathe you in,
wondering why you left, why do you pretend...
yes I'm living in your afterglow.
Tell me, how do I trap, how do I preserve those
echoes? How do I capture those dreams and
never wake up, never fall asleep?
How do I forget my first love, forget the things you said?
Yes I'm living in your afterglow.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
in love again
I'm in love again.
I'm in love with the green glass meadows.
The falling rain, the golden dust, the coffee beans.
In love with the wise west wind that
dusts clean my grubby cheeks,
my tiered eyes,
brushing away those unloved un wiped tears.
In love with the fluffy wisp balls,
jellybeans and dark chocolate,
to accompany a long distance call.
The purple pansies,the blooming buttercups
black grapes, cherries, plums, blue berries un-
In love with the deserted track to the forgotten beach shack.
In love with the starry night and the
baby pigeon that flaps its wings hard trying to fly.
A pressed dry rose, half painted toes,
familiar smells, letters by a foe...
yes! I'm in love again.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Dippsy & Angelica
---------------------------------------------------------
But love is blind,and lovers cannot see
The petty follies that they themselves commit.
-Shakespere.
--------------------------------------------------------
..She had forced herself into believing that he would never return..After all it had been almost 2yrs since he had stopped calling. His messages had stopped flashing on her desktop, a long time. Yet the previous evening he called. So what now? What could he possibly want? Was it the first step of reconciliation? If yes, then why? What was left to go back to?- The beads of their garland were already scattered.....and lost.
"Hello! Rachel!"
She froze. It just couldn't be.. And at once a torrent of memories blew her down..she could have recognised that voice just anywhere.It had been a long time...a dreadful long time & tears found their way down her cheeks.
A pregnant silence later..
"Ray, sorry i interrupted your work..I'll make it really quick.. I'm sure you have plans for tomorrow evening..but I need to see you..I don't want to upset you..but it'll be very nice if you could come.."
Silence at the other end.
"La plaza..8:30 ?"
Still silent.
"I hope you'll come.bye!"
...I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down...
She sat before the colossal Kashmiri dresser, pushing back those languid curls, she looked herself n the silver screen, searching its depths as if searching her questions in them.She looked old for her mere 23yrs. only 2 yrs back it had seemed as if she was born out of a snow flake, too radiant, too charming, a quintessence of life force. She wasn't what one could call a certifiable beauty, but had looks most men would find arresting. She looked for those wrinkles only to know where those smiles had been..Hazel eyes smiled back at her, and that dazed expression gave way to a chronology of nostalgia..
..It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late..
The story starts back then, somewhere in 2005 fall, when trees like new brides, with red dyed hands, looked their charming best, and the ice cool winds enveloped each passerby, trying hard to pierce their dark brown & grey woollens, mist raided the air, zapping life out of each existent soul.. - winter was on its way..
But her winter still hadn't arrived.And she believed it to never. Her face aglow, her wishful smile and those dreamy eyes said something else. Her air was warm, was convincing, was magical - for she, was in love.
Hers was a simple yet unusual tale.
She was an ammature writer, just out of school & it now had been weeks since she had penned down a word.She just had to get that writers block out of her mind somehow.What she needed was an ' inspiration'. Characters to write on, something..well...real.
And it was then that she met him and their completely mismatched worlds spun a complete 360 degrees. Er.. lets call him..Jerk. Alright, so it was nothing special. A casual glance, and that was enough for her to realise that something had gone wrong somewhere..terribly.
They spoke and 5 minutes past- they found themselves in their first ugly quarrel.That night she couldn't eat. Such was the profoundness of their first meet!
Three months past, and they were meeting regularly with her search coming to an end. She had found her character. but of course it wasn't easy.They simply couldn't agree at a common point! She spoke, he yawned. He spoke, only to irritate her further.They were going no where.
So why only him? Guess it was just a petty game that destiny decided to play with the two of them, intermitting their lives in the most unusual, in explainable way ..
But that just wasn't the case on her notepad..
Her characters (Dippsy & Angelica) were entirely opposite from what she and her jerk were. They spoke, while her characters laughed; they fought, while the characters cuddled each other in the ecstasy of pure , magical love.They walked away in opposite directions, while the characters sailed together purple horizons on silver sea horse backs, streaking the sky pink with their sweet-sweet first love.
Anger, resent, dejection, didn't seem to disturb them, for Dippsy and Angelica were in love.
She at times would drop what she was doing, just to catch an eyeful of him..(no... don't start wishing so soon!), she was busy drafting Dippsy. HE was her Dippsy..with of course a minor adjustments! no wait in fact allot of adjustments!
The more she wrote about Dippsy & Angelica, the more she longed to be Angelica..And the more she tried to search the Dippsy in our jerk.
And she dreamed away.
But leave us not forget, our jerk, was well..still a jerk!
He got impatient.Yelled.She interpreted them as love notes wrapped in anger blows.He argued.She silently cried.And he smiled..oh! that smile! it melted something in her pronto and before she could realise ..she was in love. Not with our jerk but with her imagination..with Dippsy..
She realised she'd have to pay for it all.She did of course realise the outcomes, but what could she do? he made her smile.
He, a poem with out words.She, the writer in distress. She had to do something about it all. This way, they were going to go nowhere.
She tried getting things in common.Understanding his perspective, his passions, his game, his drive..She planned the day for the two of them, wondering if he would notice the attempts she made. Would he care just the same?...She had gone a bit too far..
The only problem was , that our jerk was still where he was.She had perhaps forgotten to take him along. Or rather did he chose not to?
She was confused.Wondering what after all was on his mind.Was he simply too shy? or just too casual to understand? What ever it was, their 'we' was nowhere to be found..Dippsy & Angelica were falling apart..
Is it that u cant see me?
Or have you just simply shut tight your eyes?
Is It that my cry you cant hear?
Or your ears have you shut tight?
Cant speak is it?
Or blatantly don't wish to face my Inquisition?
Love me deeply?
Or just too casual to give a damn?
"Hello! Rachel!"
She froze. It just couldn't be.. And at once a torrent of memories blew her down..she could have recognised that voice just anywhere.It had been a long time...a dreadful long time & tears found their way down her cheeks.
A pregnant silence later..
"Ray, sorry i interrupted your work..I'll make it really quick.. I'm sure you have plans for tomorrow evening..but I need to see you..I don't want to upset you..but it'll be very nice if you could come.."
Silence at the other end.
"La plaza..8:30 ?"
Still silent.
"I hope you'll come.bye!"
...I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down...
She sat before the colossal Kashmiri dresser, pushing back those languid curls, she looked herself n the silver screen, searching its depths as if searching her questions in them.She looked old for her mere 23yrs. only 2 yrs back it had seemed as if she was born out of a snow flake, too radiant, too charming, a quintessence of life force. She wasn't what one could call a certifiable beauty, but had looks most men would find arresting. She looked for those wrinkles only to know where those smiles had been..Hazel eyes smiled back at her, and that dazed expression gave way to a chronology of nostalgia..
..It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late..
The story starts back then, somewhere in 2005 fall, when trees like new brides, with red dyed hands, looked their charming best, and the ice cool winds enveloped each passerby, trying hard to pierce their dark brown & grey woollens, mist raided the air, zapping life out of each existent soul.. - winter was on its way..
But her winter still hadn't arrived.And she believed it to never. Her face aglow, her wishful smile and those dreamy eyes said something else. Her air was warm, was convincing, was magical - for she, was in love.
Hers was a simple yet unusual tale.
She was an ammature writer, just out of school & it now had been weeks since she had penned down a word.She just had to get that writers block out of her mind somehow.What she needed was an ' inspiration'. Characters to write on, something..well...real.
And it was then that she met him and their completely mismatched worlds spun a complete 360 degrees. Er.. lets call him..Jerk. Alright, so it was nothing special. A casual glance, and that was enough for her to realise that something had gone wrong somewhere..terribly.
They spoke and 5 minutes past- they found themselves in their first ugly quarrel.That night she couldn't eat. Such was the profoundness of their first meet!
Three months past, and they were meeting regularly with her search coming to an end. She had found her character. but of course it wasn't easy.They simply couldn't agree at a common point! She spoke, he yawned. He spoke, only to irritate her further.They were going no where.
So why only him? Guess it was just a petty game that destiny decided to play with the two of them, intermitting their lives in the most unusual, in explainable way ..
But that just wasn't the case on her notepad..
Her characters (Dippsy & Angelica) were entirely opposite from what she and her jerk were. They spoke, while her characters laughed; they fought, while the characters cuddled each other in the ecstasy of pure , magical love.They walked away in opposite directions, while the characters sailed together purple horizons on silver sea horse backs, streaking the sky pink with their sweet-sweet first love.
Anger, resent, dejection, didn't seem to disturb them, for Dippsy and Angelica were in love.
She at times would drop what she was doing, just to catch an eyeful of him..(no... don't start wishing so soon!), she was busy drafting Dippsy. HE was her Dippsy..with of course a minor adjustments! no wait in fact allot of adjustments!
The more she wrote about Dippsy & Angelica, the more she longed to be Angelica..And the more she tried to search the Dippsy in our jerk.
And she dreamed away.
But leave us not forget, our jerk, was well..still a jerk!
He got impatient.Yelled.She interpreted them as love notes wrapped in anger blows.He argued.She silently cried.And he smiled..oh! that smile! it melted something in her pronto and before she could realise ..she was in love. Not with our jerk but with her imagination..with Dippsy..
She realised she'd have to pay for it all.She did of course realise the outcomes, but what could she do? he made her smile.
He, a poem with out words.She, the writer in distress. She had to do something about it all. This way, they were going to go nowhere.
She tried getting things in common.Understanding his perspective, his passions, his game, his drive..She planned the day for the two of them, wondering if he would notice the attempts she made. Would he care just the same?...She had gone a bit too far..
The only problem was , that our jerk was still where he was.She had perhaps forgotten to take him along. Or rather did he chose not to?
She was confused.Wondering what after all was on his mind.Was he simply too shy? or just too casual to understand? What ever it was, their 'we' was nowhere to be found..Dippsy & Angelica were falling apart..
Is it that u cant see me?
Or have you just simply shut tight your eyes?
Is It that my cry you cant hear?
Or your ears have you shut tight?
Cant speak is it?
Or blatantly don't wish to face my Inquisition?
Love me deeply?
Or just too casual to give a damn?
She tried to tell him. He simply never understood.Or did he not want to? She knew not. It just pained to see her characters drift apart. This wasn't the fairytale she had thought about..Who cares about the start when it found no end..and why? What had gone wrong after all?
He sometimes seemed emotionless to her, callous,indifferent..dangerous.
Yet she couldn't hate him.She tried hard only to end up hating herself in the process. When she thought of those times, she sometimes sweared he did care. In some corner of his heart, he did carry her. Intact. She kept justifying his ways as well as hers at times,asking herself rhetoric question.'They' were adorable.'They' seemed soo true. 'They' were meant to be. How could he just be playing around with her after all those things he said? he flirted? She kept brushing those thoughts away.Talk of compromise; at times she sadly agreed to not being loved by him, only if he let her love him in return!! such was her madness.
She had come too far..so much so that she simply couldn't find her way back.She didn't want to either, her imagination was way to powerful.
She woke up,only to find he was never there.She had to move on, prioritise, decide...And she did..Leaving back an integral part of her behind. She didn't need a story.She needed him.To hold her.To understand.
Where was he?
Your not alone.
Whenever you shall look back
you shall find me,next to you.
If not behind, look
within your heart, in the
reaches of true emotions
you shall find me.
Give me a call, drop a clue,
I'll be there by your side
I'll be inside you
I'll be you.
She stopped writing. Dippsy & angelica ended before they had even started.This time she didn't wait for him or for herself either..drowning herself in a pool of nihilion she silently wept to her self...
2008
She wiped those tears away.Smiling she moved away from the dresser, playing her favorite movie on the VCR, she poured her self a glass of wine and curled up on her couch.
She had decided.
Whatever she wanted.It wasn't him.
----------------------------
When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
pale grew thy cheek and cold
Colder thy kiss...
-Byron.
-----------------------------
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Words from my Broken Nib.
The spilled ink of your black broken nib
still haunts my white Karen skirt.
A cruel reminder of our bitter-sweet past.
The pen was yours.
I was never ment to live this.
And you constantly jeered, accused,neglected
this innocent love.
Now all you do is call...and call... and call...
I wont look back. I wont wash my skirt.
Your broken nib still dangles in my bag..
Friday, August 8, 2008
The girl with a broken smile
A puzzle I wont let you solve.
A cystic colored crystal ball, you try so hard to figure out.
Keep distance from the black magicians little doll,
cause you ll fall before you can camouflage.
Dizzy circles, bat fangs and shiny stars.
The hypnotist you can never dodge.And it'll then be too late to realize,
this girl in black ain't that nice!
A distant voice, a solemn advice,that you ll have to pay large;
as told be the hallowed lost song ,or maybe your granny back then a long long time-
Stay away from that girl with a broken smile.
High on portions, Lizard tails and Walrus eyes
The fire crackles beneath the iron pot
Beholding a disillusion, your biggest lie.
Mustard, Maroon, Dark Green and Gold
That sylph like figure not so pretty to you anymore..
Black lions, untamed, with starry manes
Roared fearless in their dark nimbus dens.
The lightning bars blurt out a different story.
All quite now! She decends down the window
sill, of the cursed manor where she resides..
A mordant silence chiselles her insides.
She used to smile , she'd dream shed cry
in search of her 'neverland' where her
angel was to reside. And believed in
the emerald blaze to escort her to her
azure Eden.
Yes! once she did.
Oh! selfish souls! You shall pay and you
shall pay large. For it was your incessent
hatred that burnt her alive.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Rants of an Eternal Lover
I could swear we are true
I could swear loves me and you
I could swear by your loving gaze
Which in my heart raise magic,
pure and Divine
a pink-purple blaze.
Doubt never your Love, your love
Doubt the smells of the flower bloom
But never doubt your tender, wet kiss
Doubt the seas, the skies, even beyond
But never once I doubt your "Te amo".
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Too much chaos. Too much running about. She had forgotten her dark angel.
Now she turns towards her with pleading eyes, a mystery to unfold.
She seeks reassurance. She seeks love .She searches herself in he depths of black justice.
An uncanny sense of hope pervades her insides. Feeling the fear subside,
she breaks into a weak smile.
"what do i do?"
"Just follow and let go..."
The word 'Trust' now mocks her. Will she believe once again? Will she blindly walk into the arms of the emotion which once broke her? Will she learn to trust?
(She s broken already, there isn't much you can take anyway.)
The tranquillizers couldn't do much nor the words of a mate; for the punctures were too many, a hundred holes you still need to sue...
"This world, a chimerical whisk of unending spiral smoke".
Now she turns towards her with pleading eyes, a mystery to unfold.
She seeks reassurance. She seeks love .She searches herself in he depths of black justice.
An uncanny sense of hope pervades her insides. Feeling the fear subside,
she breaks into a weak smile.
"what do i do?"
"Just follow and let go..."
The word 'Trust' now mocks her. Will she believe once again? Will she blindly walk into the arms of the emotion which once broke her? Will she learn to trust?
(She s broken already, there isn't much you can take anyway.)
The tranquillizers couldn't do much nor the words of a mate; for the punctures were too many, a hundred holes you still need to sue...
"This world, a chimerical whisk of unending spiral smoke".
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