i tried patience. i tried love. and i tried respect.
defeated. i am.yet again.
me. your loser.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The Arrival
time: 1:30 pm
place: the veranda.
the cold winter sun, a little brighter than usual; the cool wind playing around,caressing the leaves of the erudite maple bloke at the corner of the field, frm time to time; the rocking chair; the spotless white cushion; and the girl.
state: dreamy/distrait/bemused.
the golden rays soaking her insides
making her heart tingle a little more.
reminiscing the enchanting veena strings
she doesnt need you anymore.
she.the goddess.
squinting every time she raises her head,she looks all around. drawing her slender long fingers through her soft hair , she cherishes the feel;
the spells just about to break;
and this time, together we'll surf the waves of the innocent giggles ;take a ride to Neptune and back, on the purple sea horse, and paint those mountains a stroke of mild pink.....
the crumbs of the last cookie fall from her dress onto the the tiles. a group ov ants, rush to the scene, in unity they work,nothings impossible,they whisper.
a worn housefly buzzes its way on to her lap..
smug she is.
summers' arrived.my lovely summer.
place: the veranda.
the cold winter sun, a little brighter than usual; the cool wind playing around,caressing the leaves of the erudite maple bloke at the corner of the field, frm time to time; the rocking chair; the spotless white cushion; and the girl.
state: dreamy/distrait/bemused.
the golden rays soaking her insides
making her heart tingle a little more.
reminiscing the enchanting veena strings
she doesnt need you anymore.
she.the goddess.
squinting every time she raises her head,she looks all around. drawing her slender long fingers through her soft hair , she cherishes the feel;
the spells just about to break;
and this time, together we'll surf the waves of the innocent giggles ;take a ride to Neptune and back, on the purple sea horse, and paint those mountains a stroke of mild pink.....
the crumbs of the last cookie fall from her dress onto the the tiles. a group ov ants, rush to the scene, in unity they work,nothings impossible,they whisper.
a worn housefly buzzes its way on to her lap..
smug she is.
summers' arrived.my lovely summer.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
a little you.a little me.
my yes and ur no...that's the thing that tells u and me apart. i don't think the way you do.i dont blame the way u do.and i dont call that thing love, that you say u have for me. it hurts when i tell myself ur shallow and no, do what ever you want to ;but that thing that kept u and me alive, is there no more..hah! R.I.P my magical innocent love,for u were respected no more..
but whats sad is that is that the little part of u that i carried inside me has died as well..im not complaining.for who am i.
the perfect u.the loser me.
we stated our walk together,do u remember? things were against us.friends against.but we took a Little decision,do u remember? do u remember the little talks we shared? those little dreams we saw? do u remember that ride on the forbidden unicorn below the starry night and the goblins of ziptdreyland that chased us to the empyrean blue berry Eden?
"adheera, we'll sent up a tree house there one day and tie up a little swing under the tree over there..a little bonfire on the left and..."
do u remember?
things don't always seem the way they are.and we still walk together,i wonder why. u lie, i blame my self.u tell me I'm no good,i believe in all you say.u treat me like a qualm, i cry a million tears by my self.
they say ur true love does show,souls do talk, minds do convey messages;words are never needed.and i still believe in it,i wonder why?
u never took my thoughts seriously, you disregarded my Innocent poems calling them a disgrace, u mistreated my little dreams and u even hurt dipsy, you said u cant see him,but honestly tell me did u even try?
..I'm not complaining.
but did u ever try?
there's nothing to hold ,nothing to love with..do what ever you want to; but do return that part of me that resides in you,that lies under the covers of obliviousness;that it's still wanted.
there was a me in you and a you in me.
the feel was something else.just you and me.
but whats sad is that is that the little part of u that i carried inside me has died as well..im not complaining.for who am i.
the perfect u.the loser me.
we stated our walk together,do u remember? things were against us.friends against.but we took a Little decision,do u remember? do u remember the little talks we shared? those little dreams we saw? do u remember that ride on the forbidden unicorn below the starry night and the goblins of ziptdreyland that chased us to the empyrean blue berry Eden?
"adheera, we'll sent up a tree house there one day and tie up a little swing under the tree over there..a little bonfire on the left and..."
do u remember?
things don't always seem the way they are.and we still walk together,i wonder why. u lie, i blame my self.u tell me I'm no good,i believe in all you say.u treat me like a qualm, i cry a million tears by my self.
they say ur true love does show,souls do talk, minds do convey messages;words are never needed.and i still believe in it,i wonder why?
u never took my thoughts seriously, you disregarded my Innocent poems calling them a disgrace, u mistreated my little dreams and u even hurt dipsy, you said u cant see him,but honestly tell me did u even try?
..I'm not complaining.
but did u ever try?
there's nothing to hold ,nothing to love with..do what ever you want to; but do return that part of me that resides in you,that lies under the covers of obliviousness;that it's still wanted.
there was a me in you and a you in me.
the feel was something else.just you and me.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
an overview of the departed yesr
today morning just thought of looking over my shoulder..and making a quick note of all the things-good and bad ,before wrapping it all away,that have occurred in 2007.
the fresh beginnings,happy endings,lessons,mistakes,heartbreaks,makeups,falling in love,saying it wont happen again,believing,laughter,tears,realization,misunderstandings,honour,appreciation,praise,newer horizons,stagnant bonds,drama and more drama.
And together they have made me the person I am today – different in more than 365 ways..
January is the month when it all started.brought back all the memories..renewed old friendships,met the guy i had my frst crush on(i was in class 4Th then) on orkut,immaturity, exchange of photographs,met an old frnd(the feel is something else),met new people,moved to my new home,travelled by matadors for the frst time! preboards continued..but i had found my game..and there has been no turning back since then..
memories of ur past will go with time
fade away like the marks on ur skin
you never proved the person you are
cause u never got to know me..
>>>don't ask..o_0
February was kinda hectic; boards coming up and a marriage!it all went smooth..and the wedding-awesome!..everyone was here..a true family reunion,which occurs once in a blue moon, and i realized it wont happen again for quite some years now..
lived a lifetime in those few,magical moments..
fun~laughter~magic~true love~cold wars~and coming to know a part of dad i never knew existed..this month had it all.
march had an overdose of emotion attached too it..and its making my heart beat fast already..life looked me into the eye in a completely new way..and all i could do is sit back an mutter.."that's life"
its like you are suddenly blessed with something so sweet in ur life,and when it leaves,it leaves a dash of its sweetness behind on ur tongue and u just can never make up ur mind, weather to cherish that taste or to mourn bout the fact that its now gone for ever..the cutest fare well.
someone called me a "perplexed personality"(*double sighs for this one) ..boards started..and that kept me busy for the rest of the month.
and i re-learnt something-"never judge a person by the looks".and now i live by the quote.i had no idea that this month was going to touch me in that special way..and i would never remain the same.
April was all about school,rebel,being called "agitated girls"!!!whha??!! school was renamed-we called it Taliban since then..
i learnt that any kind of relationship - be it that of friends, parents or spouses - requires three things : time, respect and freedom.
may was something else.it edified the value of life.by now i had my own fixed ideas about marriage and religion..and i still stand by them.got my board results..and i realized that that one person really matters to me,and the thought of separation gives me those chills..
June had allot more attached to it,than just containg my birthday,there was something else in store..i was crushed!!..or let me put it in a better way..i (*sigh) lets call it love..(*sigh)..
need i wite on this any further..it was pure magic..
i stated writing for the frst time.
confusion,innocence,turmoil of thoughts,and plenitude of sighs..(*sigh)
july and augustcomprised of a birthday ,meeting new frnds,aspirations,deleating my orkut account,an email that sweeped me off my feet..and the rest of the days ..it was just me and my thoughts..and my poetry.
September and October things changed frm bad to worse.school protests,realization,heartbreaks,depression,a new me and ending up finding my self in a complete lost world..
At the same time I understood what they meant when those trucks said KEEP DISTANCE. Enjoy, play, flirt, befriend, hate, love, feel – do whatever you want to but maintain a distance, because when you are get too close to someone/something, you give them the power to affect you in a bigger way. If you don’t KEEP DISTANCE and the truck breaks suddenly, you and your Ferrari might crash into its rear :)
Attachment comes with strings attached :) No I am not telling you to turn into sanyasis or brahamchaaris. Be like a lotus. You might have to put up with mud, but don’t let it affect you. Again don’t assume people to act in a certain way. ASSUME just makes an ASS out of U and ME.
November and December was all about writing and blogging and blunders and breaking down with cold uncomfortable silence as the topping.
i realized that this was not where i was to be and it still makes me laugh how i walked all by my self on the path to self destruction with a wide sheepish smile on my face.
the yr managed to end OK and i as ever continue to move ahead..
May the best of the 2007 be only the worst of 2008.
amen.
the fresh beginnings,happy endings,lessons,mistakes,heartbreaks,makeups,falling in love,saying it wont happen again,believing,laughter,tears,realization,misunderstandings,honour,appreciation,praise,newer horizons,stagnant bonds,drama and more drama.
And together they have made me the person I am today – different in more than 365 ways..
January is the month when it all started.brought back all the memories..renewed old friendships,met the guy i had my frst crush on(i was in class 4Th then) on orkut,immaturity, exchange of photographs,met an old frnd(the feel is something else),met new people,moved to my new home,travelled by matadors for the frst time! preboards continued..but i had found my game..and there has been no turning back since then..
memories of ur past will go with time
fade away like the marks on ur skin
you never proved the person you are
cause u never got to know me..
>>>don't ask..o_0
February was kinda hectic; boards coming up and a marriage!it all went smooth..and the wedding-awesome!..everyone was here..a true family reunion,which occurs once in a blue moon, and i realized it wont happen again for quite some years now..
lived a lifetime in those few,magical moments..
fun~laughter~magic~true love~cold wars~and coming to know a part of dad i never knew existed..this month had it all.
march had an overdose of emotion attached too it..and its making my heart beat fast already..life looked me into the eye in a completely new way..and all i could do is sit back an mutter.."that's life"
its like you are suddenly blessed with something so sweet in ur life,and when it leaves,it leaves a dash of its sweetness behind on ur tongue and u just can never make up ur mind, weather to cherish that taste or to mourn bout the fact that its now gone for ever..the cutest fare well.
someone called me a "perplexed personality"(*double sighs for this one) ..boards started..and that kept me busy for the rest of the month.
and i re-learnt something-"never judge a person by the looks".and now i live by the quote.i had no idea that this month was going to touch me in that special way..and i would never remain the same.
April was all about school,rebel,being called "agitated girls"!!!whha??!! school was renamed-we called it Taliban since then..
i learnt that any kind of relationship - be it that of friends, parents or spouses - requires three things : time, respect and freedom.
may was something else.it edified the value of life.by now i had my own fixed ideas about marriage and religion..and i still stand by them.got my board results..and i realized that that one person really matters to me,and the thought of separation gives me those chills..
June had allot more attached to it,than just containg my birthday,there was something else in store..i was crushed!!..or let me put it in a better way..i (*sigh) lets call it love..(*sigh)..
need i wite on this any further..it was pure magic..
i stated writing for the frst time.
confusion,innocence,turmoil of thoughts,and plenitude of sighs..(*sigh)
july and augustcomprised of a birthday ,meeting new frnds,aspirations,deleating my orkut account,an email that sweeped me off my feet..and the rest of the days ..it was just me and my thoughts..and my poetry.
September and October things changed frm bad to worse.school protests,realization,heartbreaks,depression,a new me and ending up finding my self in a complete lost world..
At the same time I understood what they meant when those trucks said KEEP DISTANCE. Enjoy, play, flirt, befriend, hate, love, feel – do whatever you want to but maintain a distance, because when you are get too close to someone/something, you give them the power to affect you in a bigger way. If you don’t KEEP DISTANCE and the truck breaks suddenly, you and your Ferrari might crash into its rear :)
Attachment comes with strings attached :) No I am not telling you to turn into sanyasis or brahamchaaris. Be like a lotus. You might have to put up with mud, but don’t let it affect you. Again don’t assume people to act in a certain way. ASSUME just makes an ASS out of U and ME.
November and December was all about writing and blogging and blunders and breaking down with cold uncomfortable silence as the topping.
i realized that this was not where i was to be and it still makes me laugh how i walked all by my self on the path to self destruction with a wide sheepish smile on my face.
the yr managed to end OK and i as ever continue to move ahead..
May the best of the 2007 be only the worst of 2008.
amen.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
have u ever ....(a tag)
long time no post..so decided to do a much postphoned tag...wel atleast it luked fun..so heres a part of me.
Smoked a cigarette? nah! and wud probably never do it..some things are better left untouched.
Crashed a friend's car? ..i wish ;) "dont worry ur cars is in save hands..gimme the keys."
Stolen a car? cant drive :((
Been in love? er.. many definitions for a small word.. but for most of them yes.. (I think so!)
Been dumped? no.. if u have met me.. u'll know why.
Shoplifted? nopsy.
Been in a fist fight? ya!!..with my bro.i was in 4th grade i guess..and we were playin cricket with some frnds..me as always sucked at the game...we fought over some stupid ball and *BANG...i dont rem who started it but i didnt go to school for two whole days after that.(dont ask..)
Snuck out of your parent's house? yes..me and my bike..just cycled away ..purely on a whim (and a mood swing).. it was GOOOD! toadilly... though mom was pissofied wen i got back.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? YES!;).. u see having a crush is like smoking.. it all starts in sparks, continues in fire and dies in ashes.. but don't worry.. in the above case.. i am a chain smoker.. ;)
Been arrested? nah.. me=evil.yes. me=a criminl.no way.
Gone on a blind date? nopes..
Skipped school? ya a couple ov times..blame it on 'ol vimpy.
Been on a plane? yes. the evening flights particularly ar amazing.
Seen someone die? no.
Purposely set a part of yourself on fire? nah!!
Been jet-skiing? nopes!..but thats on my list..and ive been dying to para glide ..will do it someday.
Met someone in person from the Internet? no.
Taken pain killers? zillions ov times...for like everything ranging frm head aches to stomach aches and back aches...for some ..the comps the culprit.
Flown a kite? no..ive had this fear ov geting cut by the kite thread since god knows when.
Built a sand castle? yupsy!!many times..back there in bahrain..those were the gud old days.
Gone puddle jumping? yes! yes!
Cheated while playing a game? no..i luve to play fair..and get bugged when some one does it.
being lonely? ..well i love being alone..for me alone isnt equal to being lonly....however ive been lonely and detached when im with frnds too..thats how life is.
Fallen asleep at work or school/college? yeah..a couple ov times.
Used a fake ID? ya..to bother a frnd...pure fun.
Felt an earthquake? ya....two years ago..was at home..it sure was something.and no im not scared ov earthquakes.
Touched a snake? yeah..long back in '98
Slept beneath the stars? yes!..even the mosquitoes coudnt spoil the magic.
Been robbed? no..
Been misunderstood? every day.
Won a contest? yea..
Run a red light/stop sign? ..i repeat..i cant drive :((
Been suspended from school? nah!! im pretty much decent.
Been in a car accident? luckly no!
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? ..YES!!..its pure heven.
Walked the streets drunk? no...but wud want to have a feel of it some time.
Had déjà vu? millions ov times!!!
Danced in the moonlight? yeah!!
Witnessed a crime? yes..bribary
Been obsessed with post-it notes? nopes..
Squished barefoot through the mud? yes!!walking along the coastline..back there in bahrain..lovely time
Been lost? im lost most of the time..and im happy that way..incase i come across,u better "unfind" me!
Been on the opposite side of the country? manali..beautiful place.still cherish the memories of those long walks by the tea gardens..that drizzle and the wind brushin my locks across my face...
Swum in the ocean? no.. but thats on the list too.
Cried yourself to sleep? ya.. sometimes.
Played cops and robbers? oh yes! every one must have.
Recently colored with crayons? yes! oil pastels..
Sung karaoke? no!!
Paid for a meal with only coins? haha..no!
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? ..(*sigh)..ya like always..
Made prank phone calls? hehe...*sticks toung out..who do u think made cruela and mr chadda famous??!!!
Caught a snow flake on your tongue? no..but wud love to do tht..
Written a letter to Santa Claus? nah!! i always knew it was dad..but predended to stay inocent for long..thats me!! :P
Blown bubbles? ya..and once that water got over..it wod be me with that vim dish washer liquid!!
Bonfire on the beach? yes!!
Cheated on a test? yeah!in a class test..desperate situations need desperate measures.
Gone skinny-dipping in a pool? no.
Yay!.. this was fun..this one has really brought back some good old days.
I don't want to pass it to anyone in particular.. its is open to anyone who cares to do it.
Smoked a cigarette? nah! and wud probably never do it..some things are better left untouched.
Crashed a friend's car? ..i wish ;) "dont worry ur cars is in save hands..gimme the keys."
Stolen a car? cant drive :((
Been in love? er.. many definitions for a small word.. but for most of them yes.. (I think so!)
Been dumped? no.. if u have met me.. u'll know why.
Shoplifted? nopsy.
Been in a fist fight? ya!!..with my bro.i was in 4th grade i guess..and we were playin cricket with some frnds..me as always sucked at the game...we fought over some stupid ball and *BANG...i dont rem who started it but i didnt go to school for two whole days after that.(dont ask..)
Snuck out of your parent's house? yes..me and my bike..just cycled away ..purely on a whim (and a mood swing).. it was GOOOD! toadilly... though mom was pissofied wen i got back.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? YES!;).. u see having a crush is like smoking.. it all starts in sparks, continues in fire and dies in ashes.. but don't worry.. in the above case.. i am a chain smoker.. ;)
Been arrested? nah.. me=evil.yes. me=a criminl.no way.
Gone on a blind date? nopes..
Skipped school? ya a couple ov times..blame it on 'ol vimpy.
Been on a plane? yes. the evening flights particularly ar amazing.
Seen someone die? no.
Purposely set a part of yourself on fire? nah!!
Been jet-skiing? nopes!..but thats on my list..and ive been dying to para glide ..will do it someday.
Met someone in person from the Internet? no.
Taken pain killers? zillions ov times...for like everything ranging frm head aches to stomach aches and back aches...for some ..the comps the culprit.
Flown a kite? no..ive had this fear ov geting cut by the kite thread since god knows when.
Built a sand castle? yupsy!!many times..back there in bahrain..those were the gud old days.
Gone puddle jumping? yes! yes!
Cheated while playing a game? no..i luve to play fair..and get bugged when some one does it.
being lonely? ..well i love being alone..for me alone isnt equal to being lonly....however ive been lonely and detached when im with frnds too..thats how life is.
Fallen asleep at work or school/college? yeah..a couple ov times.
Used a fake ID? ya..to bother a frnd...pure fun.
Felt an earthquake? ya....two years ago..was at home..it sure was something.and no im not scared ov earthquakes.
Touched a snake? yeah..long back in '98
Slept beneath the stars? yes!..even the mosquitoes coudnt spoil the magic.
Been robbed? no..
Been misunderstood? every day.
Won a contest? yea..
Run a red light/stop sign? ..i repeat..i cant drive :((
Been suspended from school? nah!! im pretty much decent.
Been in a car accident? luckly no!
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? ..YES!!..its pure heven.
Walked the streets drunk? no...but wud want to have a feel of it some time.
Had déjà vu? millions ov times!!!
Danced in the moonlight? yeah!!
Witnessed a crime? yes..bribary
Been obsessed with post-it notes? nopes..
Squished barefoot through the mud? yes!!walking along the coastline..back there in bahrain..lovely time
Been lost? im lost most of the time..and im happy that way..incase i come across,u better "unfind" me!
Been on the opposite side of the country? manali..beautiful place.still cherish the memories of those long walks by the tea gardens..that drizzle and the wind brushin my locks across my face...
Swum in the ocean? no.. but thats on the list too.
Cried yourself to sleep? ya.. sometimes.
Played cops and robbers? oh yes! every one must have.
Recently colored with crayons? yes! oil pastels..
Sung karaoke? no!!
Paid for a meal with only coins? haha..no!
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? ..(*sigh)..ya like always..
Made prank phone calls? hehe...*sticks toung out..who do u think made cruela and mr chadda famous??!!!
Caught a snow flake on your tongue? no..but wud love to do tht..
Written a letter to Santa Claus? nah!! i always knew it was dad..but predended to stay inocent for long..thats me!! :P
Blown bubbles? ya..and once that water got over..it wod be me with that vim dish washer liquid!!
Bonfire on the beach? yes!!
Cheated on a test? yeah!in a class test..desperate situations need desperate measures.
Gone skinny-dipping in a pool? no.
Yay!.. this was fun..this one has really brought back some good old days.
I don't want to pass it to anyone in particular.. its is open to anyone who cares to do it.
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